I’m working on my book, and I’ve come to the part about first impressions. This is a tricky subject, because many of us don’t realize how we come across to our dates. That, and we tend to put WAY more effort into our “look” than our behavior. This was especially obvious hosting speed dating events. First impressions can set the tone before anyone even settles in. And once that tone is set, it is hard to undo. Sometimes the smallest detail leaves the biggest mark.

Our events were held after work, so most people came in their work attire, which was great. No Daisy Dukes or cleavage hanging out. Although a few guys came decked in gold chains and had apparently bathed in Axe cologne, but at least they’d made an effort to dress up. The problem was not with looks/appearances, but attitude. The clothes were usually fine. It was the energy underneath them that caused trouble. A polished outfit can only do so much.

Let me back up. The guys tended to come alone, and were a bit unsure of how to do things. Many would try to list off all of their attributes in 3 minutes or less. They felt they had to sell themselves quickly, so instead of asking questions, they’d talk about how successful they were. One even liked to hand out a resume of himself, complete with a checklist of cholesterol counts and oral hygiene practices. It came across as self-absorbed or insecure rather than confident.

The women often came in groups, which can be intimidating for many guys. Who wants to be judged by a band of whispering females? If any had a bad work day, they’d bring that with them too. These events were supposed to be fun and loose, like networking mixers, but some came across as nervous or picky anyway. First impressions are key when dating, so focus on attitude and behavior. Oh, and they taught me to not take dating so seriously. That lesson was worth the whole evening.